Toxic (Paperback)

He started a war to save me. But I refuse to give him a second chance.

Dante Marino’s the definition of beautiful destruction.

Everything he touched, he destroyed...including me.

We were friends. Then we weren't.

He used me.

Played me.

Took every ounce of my affection and threw it away.

He became my enemy, then risked everything to save me.

Now, he wants me back, claiming he's changed—determined to make me his.

Each vow, every possessive kiss, feels like he’s mine.

But I can't forget that underneath his rock-hard body, seductive grin, and wicked promises, one thing will always remain true—he's my undoing.

(TOXIC is book one in Mafia Wars New York. It's a first love, second chance Dark Mafia romance, interconnecting stand-alone, and guaranteed to have an HEA. Please note this contains scenes and topics on sexual abuse that may be uncomfortable for some readers.)

Bridget O'Connor

24 Years Ago

"Let's play spin the bottle!" my best friend Cara exclaims, beaming at me like it's the best idea in the world, then clinking her tumbler of whiskey against mine.

It's my sweet sixteen party. My father finally agreed to let me scoot out of the main event with the rest of my friends and promised me he'd leave us alone. It wasn't hard to convince him once our clan and the Marinos showed up. He has so many powerful men around him, along with single women fighting for his attention, that he won't lack anything in the entertainment department all night.

My mother left us years ago. She decided she couldn't handle the mafia life and tried to take my brothers and me with her, but my father stopped her. He told her if she wanted to go, she could, but we were staying with him where we belonged. She chose her freedom.

Apparently, my four brothers and I aren't that important to her. Since then, all we get is a phone call every Christmas. My older brothers, Aidan and Brody, are like me. We barely speak to my mother for more than a minute. My youngest brothers, Devin and Tynan, used to talk to her longer. It pained me, watching them. Hope would light in their eyes, and her promise to come see us soon always fell flat. Now, no one puts any stock in her word. She makes no effort to travel from California to see us. And ever since my father divorced my mother, he's become the top bachelor to snag.

Cara smirks. "Bridget?"

A butterfly spreads its wings so large in my gut, I grab the bar counter to hold myself up. My father had his staff remove all the liquor before the party started, but it was pointless. I attend the most expensive private high school in New York City. Most of my friends—both girls and guys—have Bailey's Irish Cream in their morning coffee and vodka for lunch. It's not a drink of choice, but it doesn't smell like whiskey or other alcohol. And the teachers might know what's going on, but they act like they don't. I suppose it's easier for them since most of my friends' parents take their word over any authority figure.

So even though my father had the alcohol removed and replaced with soda and other drinks he deemed safe, the bar is now covered in everything you can imagine.

Cara's eyes dart to the Marino twins, and my cheeks instantly flush. I've known Dante and Gianni forever. I'm a sophomore, and they're seniors. Their brother, Massimo, is a freshman, and he's across the room, but I barely notice him.

Dante and Gianni are a different story. They're identical twins and the epitome of tall, dark, and handsome. Their sculpted cheekbones are every girl's fantasy. Their intense, brooding eyes can pin you wherever you are and make it feel like time is standing still. They tower over me, and both are boxers. Dante is more serious about it than Gianni, but their muscles are just as identical as their faces. 

Sometimes, I can't tell who's who until they speak. But I've had so many long conversations with Dante, it doesn't take more than a few words before I know if it's him or Gianni.

One day, Dante gave me a cell phone. My father didn't see the need for me to have one and I didn’t care. But Dante did. He surprised me with it and showed me how to text. That night, and every night after, we spent hours sending messages until one of us fell asleep.

The twins are the most popular guys in our school, and it's not a secret they change places at times, whether it's for a test or even with girls. The unsuspecting victim should be upset, but it's almost become a rite of passage at our school. If you've made out or gone all the way with the Marino twins, versus just one of them, it's an instant spot in the cool girls' club. And some of the girls are the ones spreading the gossip before Dante or Gianni even have a chance. 

One look at them creates flutters in my stomach that make me dizzy. If I find out it's Gianni I'm looking at, then the flutters die. But never with Dante. With him, they only burn hotter.

It wasn't always this way though. It only started happening this past year. I've known them my entire life. Almost every holiday or special event is at their house or ours. We've always hung out, but I never thought about it until one day, the way Dante looked at me made my heart stammer. After that, I've been crushing hard. I thought it was all one-sided, and his extra attention was me wishing for more, until about a month ago.

It was a typical monthly party at his father, Angelo's, house. Dante and Gianni had turned eighteen, and Angelo gave them their own wings at the Marino compound. All of us kids went into Gianni's side of the house, which also had a brand-new theater screen.

Instead of fancy theater seating, Gianni chose couches and ottomans. Angelo somehow snagged a copy of the latest action movie that was still in the theater, and we all got comfy with popcorn, alcohol, and blankets.

Dante sat next to me, and Gianni was on the other side. It wasn't out of the ordinary. Dante and I have always had a closer friendship, and the twins are never far from the other. It wasn't the first time I sat between them, but when Dante tossed a blanket over the two of us, my skin buzzed as if it knew something was going to happen. Then he stretched his long legs on the ottoman.

"Put your feet up and get comfy, Bridge," he ordered.

I did it, and he handed me a beer.

The movie had just gotten past the first scene when his knuckles slid down the side of my leg. I was wearing shorts, and his touch on my bare skin made me hold my breath.

I froze, wondering if it was a mistake, staring at the screen and not comprehending one word. Then he slid his hand between my thighs, and my insides liquefied. I swallowed hard. Then, keeping my head still, I used my peripheral vision to peek at him.

He tossed popcorn in his mouth and took a swig of beer, like nothing was going on. At the same time, the tips of his long fingers slid under my cut-off denim.

No boy had ever gotten so close to my most intimate region, and the way my pussy ached for him to touch it surprised me.

Then he did it.

He slid his hand through my panties, a finger up my entrance, and rubbed my clit with this thumb.

I shuddered on the spot. Heat overwhelmed me so intensely, I knew my face had to be the color of a tomato.

Gianni leaned close to me and scanned my face, smirking. "You all right?"

It was another reminder of the sixth sense he and Dante had. It made the fire in my cheeks burn hotter. I elbowed him and hissed, "Shut up. I'm watching the movie."

"Sure you are." He put his hand under the blanket and touched my thigh, but I slapped it off me.

"Stop it," I whispered.

More arrogance flashed on his face until Dante leaned over my breasts while shoving his finger deeper in me and curling it. He quietly muttered, "Don't touch her."

The twins exchanged a look. I don't know what it meant, but they did. They could always have silent conversations. That one look made Gianni slide his arm around Cara and say something that made her giggle.

"Shut up," my brother Aidan barked, throwing popcorn at us before returning his attention to the movie.

Dante's thumb moved quicker, and his hot breath slid across my chest, thanks to my tank top. Tingles assaulted me everywhere, and he murmured in my ear, "Have a drink."

I turned toward him, my mouth an inch from his lips, adrenaline pooling in my cells, and my heart beating so fast, I was sure everyone in the room could hear it.

His mouth curved into so much arrogance, it caught me off guard. He pinned his dark gaze on me, and I couldn't look away. Then, everything exploded around me, as if he knew what was about to happen. My eyes rolled and I whimpered. As much as I tried not to make a sound, I couldn't help it. Thankfully, besides Dante, I think only Gianni and Cara heard it, because my brothers, their girlfriends, and the rest of the Marino kids never bothered to look our way.

Fire sparked in those dark eyes. He removed his hand from my body then shoved his fingers in his mouth, arching his eyebrows in a smirk, before returning to the movie.

I was hardly breathing again before his fingers were crawling back up my thigh, and he was starting all over.

I lost track of how many times he made me come. When the movie was over, he went to play pool with the others and ignored me the rest of the night.

That was a month ago. Since then, he's acted like nothing happened, having conversations with me like we always have.

Not once has he touched me or looked at me the way he did that night.

All I think about is him.

His eyes.

His cheekbones.

His cocky lips I want on mine, as well as places no other boy has ever touched.

And something about the way his body towers over me, as if he could make me his and protect me from the world, makes my insides throb. Not that I have anyone to worry about. My father is the head of the Irish clan in New York, and even I'm not naive enough not to know what that means.

No one will ever get close enough to hurt me. My father would kill anyone, and everyone knows it. But still, I like thinking about being Dante's and him protecting me.

Cara is the only person who knows what happened, unless Dante told anyone. Well, I'm sure Gianni knows something went on. And Cara slept with Gianni that night. Ever since, she's been trying to play it cool but is dying for a replay.

All day leading up to my party, I wondered if tonight would be the night Dante would pay attention to me again. Cara's game suggestion makes me nervous. What are the chances Dante will end up with me and not someone else? When I don't answer her, she shouts, "Who wants to play spin the bottle?"

The room turns silent, and I refrain from looking at Dante, yet I feel his eyes on me.

It's Gianni who answers, "I'm down."

"Siblings are off-limits. I'm not touching my sister," Aidan says.

"Eww. Yuck," I state, horrified at the thought.

"Hey, you know what happened at Matt's party," he replies.

My stomach flips. This is how fucked up the kids at my school are. Matt and his sister Lana had a party last weekend. Matt spun the bottle, and when it stopped, Lana was in front of it. No one trusted them to do anything in the closet, so they pressured them to kiss in front of everyone, and instead of saying no, they gave in to the pressure and played tongue tag for the entire fifteen minutes.

"Agreed. I'll go first," Dante states and grabs an unopened bottle of wine he snagged from his father's party. He sits on the floor, and everyone follows.

Flutters fill my gut, and when he spins the bottle, I pray it stops on me.

Around and around it goes, first fast, then slower and slower. I don't take my eyes off it, and the room is entirely silent, with the only sound being the glass on the carpet.

When it stops, my heart does, too. My mouth turns dry, and I slowly lift my eyes to Dante.

He smirks. "Well, what are you waiting for, Bridge? Get your ass in the closet."

"Shit. Not my sister," Aidan mutters.

Gianni scoffs and challenges, "Rules are rules. You want to break them? If so, we can eliminate the sibling one, too."

Aidan rises. "Whatever. I need another drink." He storms off to the bar.

Dante's expression stays neutral. He rises and holds his hand out to help me off the floor.

My pulse shoots through the ceiling. I take his hand and he tugs me up then leads me to the closet. The thick, eight-foot, mahogany door clicks shut, and everything turns dark.

His body heat penetrates my skin. I feel it before his hands slide over my cheeks and he tilts my head up. His hot breath merges with mine, and every atom in my body lights up.

"Have you missed me?" he softly asks, his thumbs caressing my cheeks.

Dropping my guard, I close my eyes and admit, "Yes."

He steps closer until I'm against the wall, and his hard flesh is against mine. "Did you think about my hands on you again?"

I swallow hard. "Yes."

"Maybe we should stop pretending this is something it's not then." He kisses my forehead then under my eyes and my nose.

I gasp and manage to ask, "What do you mean?"

"I like you. I always have. And I think you like me. So maybe I should take you on a date, away from all these cocksuckers. Just you and me. What do you say, Bridge?"

His thumb brushes my bottom lip, and I shiver. "Okay."

"Happy birthday, Bridge," he murmurs. Then his hot breath is all over me. His tongue is in my mouth, flicking against mine like there's no tomorrow, as if I'm his everything—the only thing he could ever want.

My knees buckle, and he presses closer, pinning me between himself and the wall.

I was so wrong about what it would be like to kiss Dante Marino. I thought it would be good. I assumed he would know what he was doing, and that I would like it.

I never imagined my body would hum against his, or the rest of the world would disappear, or every single touch he gave me would make me feel things I never felt before.

I didn't know I would melt into him as if my body belonged with his—as if it were his.

Before I know it, there's a knock on the door and it flies open, reminding me we aren't alone. My eyes adjust to catch Dante's wink then he steps back and strolls out of the closet.

My brother's voice calls out, "Don't fucking say a word about whatever you just did with my sister."

The room erupts in heckles, and I catch my breath.

He's going to take me out.

Dante Marino is finally going to take me out.

When I step out of the closet, blood drains from my head to my toes. My heart drops to my stomach.

What is she doing here? This is my party. I didn't invite her.

Lisa, the head of the cheerleading squad and homecoming queen, is drunk and throws her arms around Dante. It's a known fact she slept with Gianni last week.

My stomach flips. I want to yell at her to get off him. I want to scream at him to push her aside.

But he doesn't.

She grabs his crotch and slurs something about a blowjob.

Gianni grunts. "Your turn, bro." He nods to the side room, and I suddenly feel sick.

Don't do it. Don't go, I silently plead.

There's a brief moment of hesitation, and I think Dante isn't going to go. My hope explodes all around me, but then my heart does.

Gianni steps forward so Lisa's squished between him and his brother. He tugs Lisa's hair back, causing her chest to press into Dante, and her mouth gasps in an O. He scans her face and says, "Be a good girl and make sure you swallow for him, all right?"

Her face flushes and she giggles. I want to die on the spot.

No, no, no! This can't be happening.

He won't do it. He won't after he just confessed he likes me and wants to take me out.

Gianni pats her ass and points toward the door. "You got ten minutes. Then Cara and I get the room."

Dante's shoulders flex, and he hesitates again.

Gianni releases Lisa and asks, "What's wrong? Why aren't you going?"

Dante glances at Lisa. "Don't waste my time if you're going to spit all over me."

She giggles again and tugs on his hand, leading him to the other room.

I think I might die. I want to crawl in a hole and never come out. When they come back into the room after ten minutes, Dante ignores me.

Still, I hold on to hope that he'll still call me. It makes me hate myself even more. Every night, I wait for his text messages like an idiot. Not once does he ever message me.

Then I get a boyfriend.

The first time I bring him to a party at his parents', Dante is suddenly on top of me like a fly in honey, ignoring his girlfriend, who gets pissed along with my boyfriend. That night he texts me.

Dante: What are you doing with that loser?

Me: What are you talking about? He's not a loser.

Dante: You can do a lot better.

Me: Not really your business.

Dante: Why did you stop coming to my fights?

My chest tightens.

Me: Why did you let Lisa suck you off after telling me you wanted to take me out?

Dante: I'm a dude. We do stupid shit. Are you going to hold it against me forever?

My heart races faster.

Dante: If it makes you feel better, I was only hard because I couldn't stop thinking about you.

I take several large breaths, not knowing how to respond and reprimanding myself that his statement gives me a twinge of happiness.

Dante: Break up with him. Come to my fight this weekend. We'll hang out after.

Several minutes pass as I contemplate whether I should do it or not.

Dante: Bridge, I miss you. I'm sorry.

Me: Okay. I'll come.

Dante: Make sure you break up with him. I mean it. He's not good enough for you.

I don't sleep at all that night. I do what he says, unable to stop myself from wanting him. When the weekend comes, I go to his fight.

He wins. His brothers, along with an entourage of girls, are waiting for him when he comes out of the locker room. They rush up to him, and his eyes meet mine.

"Give me a minute," he says.

My heart drops as he approaches me. I see it in his expression before he leans down and hugs me. "Thanks for coming."

I force myself to reply, "Sure. Congrats."

He smiles, and guilt is all over his face. 

"We aren't hanging out, are we?" I ask.

"Something has come up. Can I take a rain check?"

I glance at the girls with his brothers, trying not to cry. I straighten my shoulders. "Sure. No problem."

"Thanks." He gives me another hug, and I feel sick.

For the next few years, I hang on to every twisted part of me that still wants him as mine. Even though he graduates, I still see him at least once a month at parties.

Nothing ever changes. He, Gianni, and Massimo always have girls hanging on them anytime I see them. From time to time, Dante will catch me gazing at him. There are always these moments, a brief encounter where he'll stare at me, giving me his smoldering look, reminding me how we used to be friends and about his broken promises.

When my father insists I get a business degree, I decide the only way I'll escape Dante is to leave town. There's only one place my father will let me go, and that's Chicago because he has an alliance with the O'Malleys. He claims they'll watch over me.

I don't even care where it is as long as it's out of New York and somewhere far away from Dante.

There's nothing I will ever get from him. Holding on to any notion we'll ever be together is setting myself up for a lifetime of unhappiness. I need to forget everything about Dante Marino, except one thing.

He's toxic.

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