Flawed (Audiobook)

One wild night and failed birth control gifted me with an accidental pregnancy.

I’m not telling the father.

Luca’s mesmerizing and charming, but he isn't just a lot older than me.

After our hot night, I found out he's my family's enemy.

It leaves me no no choice but to keep him in the dark.

If his family found out my baby’s freedom would be at risk.

My family would disown me.

So I disappear for years, leaving him with no trace of where I am.

Except fate isn't my friend when a chance encounter brings him into my life again.

Age has only made him more irresistible.

Still, I know he's wrong for me—for my daughter.

But his wicked ways are too hard to resist…

Chanel Moulin

14 Years Earlier

Bright light hums from the fluorescent bulbs. Dr. Depeckin glances at his folder then asks, "Ms. Moulin, what have you been using for birth control?"

My pulse pounds hard against my neck. Heat ignites on my cheeks. There's only one man I've ever slept with, and it shouldn't have happened.

It wasn't even two months ago. He's a lot older than me, and he stole my breath from the first moment I laid eyes on him. I knew he was a bad boy right down to the faint scar on his right cheek.

Yet I felt safe with him. And all I've done since that night is think about him.

Not once in my life have I not thought before I acted. I only had half a Cosmopolitan before he swept me away from my friends and onto the dance floor. By the end of the third song, he was leading me out of the nightclub and into his car. We spent the entire time lip-locked until we got to his place.

Every second of being with him felt right. My body fit with his like I was part of him. His touch lit up all my cells as if he were breathing life into me. Before him, I never thought I was dead. Now, the more time that passes without him, the more numb I become.

My body craves a replay. His few attempts to see me again almost killed me. Sometimes I debate about caving, but I need to stay as far away from him as possible.

It's a mistake I wish I could take back. I didn't know who he was at the time. All I saw was how he looked at me with his dark, brooding eyes and dominant confidence.

God, I was so stupid.

Everything about Luca made me lose my judgment. I've cursed myself ever since. I should have been smarter than to fall prey to him. I'm around powerful, successful men all day. It's not the first time a man looked at me with desire or had a sexy Italian accent. Yet every look he threw my way made my heart skip a beat and pulse quicken.

I should have known better than to trust a stranger. My boss and his family are dangerous. My father works for them and is dangerous, too, I suppose. When I'm working, I'm under their protection. But the night out with my group of friends was far away from their guarding leers.

Luca has all the traits dangerous men possess, yet he was honey, and I was the fly. Not once did I stop to find out who he was or think he would hurt me.

He hasn't hurt me.

I can't put it past him though.

If my boss or his family knew what I did, I'm sure I'd get fired. It doesn't matter if I didn't know who Luca was or that I'm determined to stay away from him, even though he's mysteriously shown up at the coffee shop I visit or restaurants I eat at.

He's their biggest enemy.

That makes him my enemy.

My parents will disown me if I see him and they find out.

I'm sure his family would hurt me if they knew about us and who I was.

"Ms. Moulin, please answer my question. I'll remind you everything is confidential," Dr. Depeckin says.

I swallow hard, admitting, "I'm not sexually active."

He arches his bushy eyebrows. In a stern voice, he states, "I'm your doctor, Ms. Moulin. There's no need to lie."

My heart thumps against my chest cavity. I blurt out, "I'm not! I don't have a boyfriend, and I work all the time!"

Both of those statements are true. I'm Massimo Marino's flight attendant. The day my father and I arrived in New York from Italy, Massimo's papà suggested he hire me.

It was a little over two years ago, and I was only sixteen. I had already graduated high school. Giuseppe Berlusconi, the head of the Italian Mafia, had relocated my father to New York to work for the Marinos.

It wasn't the first time I'd moved countries. My homeland is France. My parents and I moved to Italy when I was ten. When my father announced we were moving to the United States, I didn't want to leave. All my friends were in Italy. I knew no one in New York, nor did I know what I wanted to do with my life. When Massimo offered me the flight attendant job, I didn't feel I had a choice. My father would have been extremely disappointed in me if I hadn't taken it.

Regardless of how my career started, I love what I do. I've seen more of the world than I ever imagined I could. Massimo treats me well, pays me more than I ever hoped for, and every day feels like a new adventure.

If only I'd never laid eyes on Luca.

Dr. Depeckin takes a few deep breaths, adding to my stress. "When's the last time you had sex?"

The heat in my cheeks burns hotter. I exaggerate, stating, "It was months ago."

"How long?"

Why is he pushing me about this?

I shrug, admitting, "Less than two months ago. But I'm not sexually active right now. And it was only once! I don't sleep around!"

Why did I add that last part?

"Ms. Moulin, did you use any protection?" he questions.

More embarrassment floods me. Visuals of Luca's muscular frame caged over my body, the warmth of his strong arms around me, and the pressure of his lips feels as real as that night. His thick Italian accent, stating dirty phrases in both English and Italian during our encounter, never quiet. I squeeze my legs together, trying to alleviate the ache I always feel whenever I think about him.

"Ms. Moulin?" Dr. Depeckin snaps me out of my thoughts.

"Ummm... I ummm..."

"I'll take that as a no?" he asserts.

"I'm on the pill," I blurt out, wanting to crawl into a hole and die.

This is so humiliating.

He runs his hand through his graying hair and motions to the desk chair. "Have a seat." He takes the one across from mine.

I obey, preparing myself for the lecture about safe sex. I announce, "I promise I'll be smarter next time and use a condom."

An expression I can't interpret fills his face. He clears his throat then states, "That would be a better choice. Now, please tell me if you've experienced any nausea?"

Why would I have that?

I answer, "No."

"Tender breasts?"

I internally groan, wondering if he's determined to continue shaming me, and reply, "No."

He leans closer. "Your form said you don't remember the last time you got your period."

The smell of his Old Spice cologne makes my stomach churn.

Maybe I should tell him it's time to get a new scent?

I shrug again. "I've never been regular. It's in my chart."

"Ms. Moulin, did you take all your birth control pills as prescribed?”

"Yes. Of course I did."

A tense moment of silence passes. He studies me then announces, "Then your pill failed. You're pregnant."

A nervous laugh escapes me. "That's not funny."

His face turns sterner. "I'm not joking."

Time seems to stand still. Goose bumps break out on my arms. I shudder, shaking my head.

No. No. No.

How did I let this happen?

"Are you okay?" he asks.

More shock fills me. "What do you mean I'm pregnant? That's not possible."

"You had unprotected sex," he points out.

"Once!" I exclaim, understanding how ignorant it sounds.

He glances at the ceiling, takes a frustrated breath, then locks his disapproving eyes on me. "It doesn't matter how many times you have sex. It only takes once. The pill isn't one hundred percent reliable."

Now you tell me?

My insides quiver. Tears fill my orbs and I blink hard, but they fall fast.

He softens his tone. "You said you don't have a boyfriend. Do you know who the father is?"

Luca...

Oh my God.

I don't even know the last name of my baby's father.

It doesn't matter. He works for the Abruzzos.

No. No. No.

This is not happening!

I snap, "Of course I know who he is!"

Dr. Depeckin holds his hands in the air. "I wasn't insinuating—"

"I need to go," I state, jumping out of my chair and grabbing my clothes.

"Ms. Moulin, we need to discuss prenatal care," he asserts.

I toss my shirt over the paper gown and step into my skirt, not bothering with my bra or panties. I shove them into my oversized bag and move toward the door.

He calls out, "Ms. Moulin!"

I yank on the knob. "Thank you." I rush toward the exit sign, barely seeing it through my tears. I toss cash at the front desk girl. It's probably way more than what I owe, but another second in this office, and I'm going to lose it.

Somehow, I make it through the building. I wipe my face, toss my sunglasses on, and hail a cab. The entire ride is a blur.

Numbness sets in as I climb six flights of stairs, avoiding the elevator so I don't have to see anyone in my building. I get into my apartment, go into the bathroom, and strip.

For a long time, I study my body, cursing myself. My belly looks the same. My breasts, too.

Maybe he's wrong.

He's not.

How could I be so naive?

Why didn't I tell him to use a condom?

Why does it have to be Luca's?

I leave the bathroom, pull my bedding back, and slide under the covers. For hours I cry, unsure of what I'm going to do. I'm only eighteen. I'm unprepared to be a mother, and especially a single mother. This wasn't my plan for my life.

My parents are going to kill me.

Maybe I should find Luca and tell him.

What am I thinking?

If he's the father, it's his right to know.

Maybe we could be together and it'll all be okay.

What am I thinking? He's the enemy.

He's my baby's father.

My baby.

Oh my God! What am I going to do?

I will never subject my child to the Abruzzos.

The debate over how I'll manage a baby, my career, and still keep Luca a secret never stops. When morning comes, I still don't have any answers, but there's only one thing I vow to do.

I'll figure out how to be a good mom and protect my child from Luca at all costs.